Fear/Anxiety: Little Did I Know

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Steph Montgomery 

“I lift up my eyes to the mountains where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord, the maker of heaven and earth.”                                         

Psalms 121:1-2

I remember it like it was yesterday… I was sitting at the kitchen table with tears in my eyes, not knowing what to do or how I was going to help my family. I was scared, anxious, and filled with so much fear.  What happened next though changed everything…

Screen Shot 2020-07-22 at 10.48.48 PMThree years earlier my husband, Jason, had started a business and things were going well. It seemed like this was a wonderful life decision for our family and maybe, God willing, it would become a business Jason could leave to the kids to take over someday. The American dream was so close we could taste it! However, six months into the new business endeavor, Jason got served with a lawsuit. The company he worked at prior to starting his business was suing him and his business associates for leaving their company and starting one of their own. You can only imagine the fear of starting a business, taking the risk, and then being sued by a big company with lots of clout on top of that. The best way to describe how I felt in that moment would be comparable to spending months of your life creating a detailed and intricate painting.  Consuming yourself for countless hours in the adding and blending of the pristine colors.  When just when your masterpiece is finally complete, someone destroys it by splattering a can of black paint over the entire surface of your creation, leaving you completely and utterly breathless (insert gasp!)

Screen Shot 2020-07-22 at 10.49.53 PMSoon after getting served with a lawsuit, everything within the business and our life seemed to be falling apart! Jason was trying to keep a new business afloat, but between employee salaries, insurance, and the fees for hiring a lawyer, it was more than we could financially withstand. He voiced his fears and concerns to me about not being able to continue the business. I, of course, was scared and angry and didn’t handle the situation well. I remember getting into several arguments with Jason over the business, money, and the growing apprehension that comes with suddenly becoming a one-income family. I was so angry that we worked so hard to get where we were, and it didn’t seem to matter. At that time, I didn’t see or understand this plan for our life journey that God put before us… 

“Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance, character; and character, hope.”

Romans 5:3-4

 I was on my way home from work with our two year old son, Cal, and he was complaining about having a stomachache. I told him we would be home soon. The minute we walked into the house, Cal vomited everywhere. I quickly got him to the toilet and grabbed some paper towels to clean him up, but when I turned the sink on to get the paper towel wet, there wasn’t any running water. Our water had been shut off.  I started to panic because I was by myself with Cal, he was sick, and there wasn’t any running water in our house. At this point, I felt completely and utterly helpless.  I also was not thinking clearly due to the rise in my blood pressure and the rush of serotonin levels causing me to feel nauseous. Luckily, Jason arrived home and he took Cal upstairs to give me reprieve. 

Screen Shot 2020-07-22 at 10.51.00 PMI walked over to the kitchen table and sat down feeling so frustrated and anxious because of the situation we were in. I remember putting my head in my hands and sobbing uncontrollably…praying for God to guide us and asking to steer Jason to Him. I also prayed that the lawsuit would be resolved as well, so that we could move forward with our lives. As I was sitting there praying, a sense of peace came over me. It was as if God was telling me that even in the midst of a storm, (although it felt like a tornado), I needed to trust His plan for our life and that he would fulfill those promises. I don’t know what happened that day, but going forward I felt at peace about everything. 

“He will cover you with his feathers, and under his wings you will find refuge; his faithfulness will be your shield and rampart. You will not fear the terror of night, nor the arrow that flies by day,”

Psalm 91: 4-5

Looking back thirteen years later, I can see all of those problems resolved and promises fulfilled. Even though it didn’t happen on my timeline, it happened on God’s timeline, the way it was supposed to play out. There were many lessons learned over the course of those thirteen years though. But I know that in my moment of fear, when I was sitting there at the kitchen table sobbing, so vulnerable, God heard my prayer. He felt my fear, and asked me to trust in Him to see what He can and would do. 

Screen Shot 2020-07-22 at 10.51.53 PMLittle did I know that in my moment of anxiousness, God would be there sitting next to me, holding my hand, whispering to me to trust Him. 

“He calls his own sheep by name and leads them out. When he has brought out all his own, he goes ahead of them, and his sheep follow him because they know his voice.” John 10:3-4 

That was a very trying time in our marriage and life, but our relationship with Christ grew secure and impenetrable in that storm. Remember, in the eye of a storm God always remains in control. And if we really listen to Him, in the quietness, He speaks to us. He uses our scars to reach others and bring them to His kingdom. How awesome is our God?!

“Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ.” Philippians 4:6-7

If my husband, Jason, and I could pick lyrics from a song to depict our experience, it would be the words from the song “Scars” by I Am They (shown below). These words have become our anthem. Jason was truly changed by God through the loss of His business, and the trials we went through along the way..

“Waking up to a new sunrise
Looking back from the other side
I can see now with open eyes
Darkest water and deepest pain
I wouldn’t trade it for anything
‘Cause my brokenness brought me to You
And these wounds are a story You’ll use
So I’m thankful for the scars
‘Cause without them I wouldn’t know Your heart
And I know they’ll always tell of who You are
So forever I am thankful for the scars
Now I’m standing in confidence
With the strength of Your faithfulness
And I’m not who I was before
No, I don’t have to fear anymore
So I’m thankful for the scars
‘Cause without them I wouldn’t know Your heart
And I know they’ll always tell of who You are
So forever I am thankful for the scars
I can see, I can see
How You delivered me
In Your hands, In Your feet
I found my victory
I can see, I can see
How You delivered me
In Your hands, In Your feet
I found my victory
I’m thankful for Your scars
‘Cause without them I wouldn’t know Your heart
And with my life I’ll tell of who You are
So forever I am thankful for the scars”

4 thoughts on “Fear/Anxiety: Little Did I Know

  1. Bonnie Mintgomery

    This was such a scary time for a young couple. It was hard for us to watch. As a parent, you hate seeing your family go through such hard times. I worried all the time for all of you and this test to your marriage. I worried for my grandchild. I worried for my son’s health, as he went through this, wondering if this was going to break him or his spirit. He’s such a hard working man who does everything he can to provide for his family. Your family didn’t deserve this. I prayed to God asking Him to give you strength and bring you through this. I saw a change in my son as He grew closer to God. God brought people into his life to help him through this. Life was extremely hard for you but God has seen you through this and drawn you closer to Him. He has rewarded you with many blessings. May you continue to receive His grace. Love you all!

    Like

    1. Thank you so much for responding. Yes, it was an extremely difficult time, and although we went through this trying period, God was so extremely faithful. As his mother, I can’t imagine how hard that was for you to watch, but how rewarding to see his transformation. We are always a work in progress, but this trial brought us closer to our Father.

      Like

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